Summer: odi et amo

I used to love summer.
June was my favorite month of the year, because it was getting hot and I knew I still had 2 months of hot summer to go. It could break 100 degrees and you would never hear this girl complain.  Humidity? BRING IT!  I was alive in the "dog days" of summer.  Autumn made me cry, sure its a nice season but its the furtherest season away from my next summertime of bliss!

Now I don't just dislike summer, I resent it.  As I hinted to previously, I have colitis.  The rare form of Collagenous Colitis.  The good side is it won't lead to colon cancer like Ulcerative Colitis potentially can. The bad side is that because it is so rare, there is very little research done on treatment or cures for it.  The ugly- well try have diarrhea 15+ times a day for weeks on end. Yep, ugly.  I'm in remission fortunately, but every time I have had a bad flare it has been during the summer.  I was also diagnosed during the summer.  Add humidity to the heat of summer, and you can write off June through August for me.  I'll be in bed running back and forth to the toilet.  Why can't I flare in winter when I'd rather be home?  When I have an excuse to curl up in bed with my cats and good movie.  Summer I want to be out- at the beach, walking the funky neighborhoods of my awesome city, taking a random weekend road trip.  I want to scream!  Poor me, boo hoo.  But I have amazing friends, a boyfriend with no sense of smell (seriously! How lucky is that!), even if I don't have summer.

So back to the point of this blog: BECOMING FAT.    Before I was diagnosed I was a size 0, I couldn't keep anything in my body.  I ate next to nothing because I was terrified I would get the runs from it.  I was misdiagnosed so many times I lost count.  I was stuck with being labelled anorexic, working out too hard and having a weak stomach.  Until I met Dr. Wonderful who diagnosed me.  Rewind.  When I was a size zero, and occasional two I looked good in any bikini you could through at me.  I got stares, I was the waif, I was Kate Moss and I'm not going to lie, I loved it!  I ate it up when people told me I should model.  From the attention I received I equated my thinness with beauty, and I was that thin for so long it became my identity.  So yes, when I hit the double digits on the size chart, summer scared me.  What bathing suit was still going make me feel sexy?  How was I going to be attractive at the beach and pool?

Even worse: my thighs for the first time in my life started rubbing together when I wore skirts.  That fucking hurts on a hot humid day when you walk as much I do.

TO BE CONTINUED.... (I'm still trying to find my voice, but shit is getting real now...)

Torridble :(

Armed with a xanax and some excitement I planned a shopping spree for my lunch hour.  That's right dear readers, I was making my first trip to a plus sized woman's clothing store (xanax was needed because what if they thought I was too thin to be shopping there?  Or thought I was just the right size?  I wasn't sure which made me more anxious!). I picked Torrid because I'm drooling over their new retro line- so very rockabilly which looks magical on women with curves.

Sure I could have ordered it online, but I'm fat and I'm proud and I wanted to try a real store.  I knew there was Torrid in the mall near my office. Imaging the new sexy capris and tattoo top I would be buying once I got there as I walked over on this beautiful early summer day.  Excitement overcame me that I might be a "small" again, if only in the plus size range!  

Only to find that Torrid  had gone out of business in that mall.

Devastated, I hit the Hot Topic sale and got an XXL tank top of the bride of Frankenstein for $9.99

What are your favorite plus sized stores?  Any that offer nice alternative, rockabilly or punky looks? thanks xox

Ma'am, would you like my seat?

So going from the skinniest girl in the room to being one of  the average-heavier girls changes how you view yourself.  It's societal, it's our culture and even though I pride myself on being on feminism, I'm still human.  But I'm getting better....

I recently visited my hometown of Toronto with Mr. Mallory [Back story: I have colitis and to make sure I didn't have a flare on this trip, I was liberal with the immodium.  To say I was bloated is an understatement- more on this later]. After a particularly exciting day, we took the subway back to our temporary home.  On the very crowded subway, a man looked at my belly and offered me his seat.  He thought I was pregnant.  So what did I do?


I took the seat of course!  There has to be some benefit to having bloated colitis belly and extra poundage.  If that means looking pregnant- well hey, free seat!

FRESHLY FAT or how I went from a size 0 to a fabulously curvy plus size and love it.

Just for the sake of argument, FAT now officially stands for Fabulous And Tempting. Got it?  Awesome :) And welcome to my very first ever blog.  Bear with me as I figure this out.

There are a lot of people who wouldn't call me fat- and that's ok.  You see that, like beauty, fat is in the eye of beholder. I went from a size 0 to very large double digit size.  Many reasons for this which I'll get into later (hell, its basically the point of my blog and how much I'm learning to love the bigger, better me), so even though I might not fit your definition of plus size, I fit mine. And I get to buy a new wardrobe.

Welcome to my ride- seatbelts optional :)