I used to love summer.
June was my favorite month of the year, because it was getting hot and I knew I still had 2 months of hot summer to go. It could break 100 degrees and you would never hear this girl complain. Humidity? BRING IT! I was alive in the "dog days" of summer. Autumn made me cry, sure its a nice season but its the furtherest season away from my next summertime of bliss!
Now I don't just dislike summer, I resent it. As I hinted to previously, I have colitis. The rare form of Collagenous Colitis. The good side is it won't lead to colon cancer like Ulcerative Colitis potentially can. The bad side is that because it is so rare, there is very little research done on treatment or cures for it. The ugly- well try have diarrhea 15+ times a day for weeks on end. Yep, ugly. I'm in remission fortunately, but every time I have had a bad flare it has been during the summer. I was also diagnosed during the summer. Add humidity to the heat of summer, and you can write off June through August for me. I'll be in bed running back and forth to the toilet. Why can't I flare in winter when I'd rather be home? When I have an excuse to curl up in bed with my cats and good movie. Summer I want to be out- at the beach, walking the funky neighborhoods of my awesome city, taking a random weekend road trip. I want to scream! Poor me, boo hoo. But I have amazing friends, a boyfriend with no sense of smell (seriously! How lucky is that!), even if I don't have summer.
So back to the point of this blog: BECOMING FAT. Before I was diagnosed I was a size 0, I couldn't keep anything in my body. I ate next to nothing because I was terrified I would get the runs from it. I was misdiagnosed so many times I lost count. I was stuck with being labelled anorexic, working out too hard and having a weak stomach. Until I met Dr. Wonderful who diagnosed me. Rewind. When I was a size zero, and occasional two I looked good in any bikini you could through at me. I got stares, I was the waif, I was Kate Moss and I'm not going to lie, I loved it! I ate it up when people told me I should model. From the attention I received I equated my thinness with beauty, and I was that thin for so long it became my identity. So yes, when I hit the double digits on the size chart, summer scared me. What bathing suit was still going make me feel sexy? How was I going to be attractive at the beach and pool?
Even worse: my thighs for the first time in my life started rubbing together when I wore skirts. That fucking hurts on a hot humid day when you walk as much I do.
TO BE CONTINUED.... (I'm still trying to find my voice, but shit is getting real now...)
